Can you tell me if this poem is good & rate it? - high travel sand rails
I have this as an answer to a question, well ...
Moonlight
Silver light shines in the silent night
Take a white light in the ocean.
A rising tide of travel in their distress
Under a sapphire sheath.
Reflections of a glass full moon,
Waves break the brittle star,
Waves of approaching death
Breaking into a huge noise.
The sea breaks on the sand
In the quiet night of delusion.
A treacherous sword plunged into the earth
Become an icy rain.
Finally, the storm is in the breeze,
Moonlight and the beacon of hope and light
Begins with the sea quietly fade away.
All that remains now is the starry night.
Friday, December 4, 2009
High Travel Sand Rails Can You Tell Me If This Poem Is Good & Rate It?
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2 comments:
Good title. The words "Shining Silver Silence" It's hard to say, together, you may rethink the front. Very good rhyme scheme.The first line of the second stanza has too many words and syllables, read "Reflections of a pane of glass. You should not write is complete, the reader is almost always think of a half-moon or full moon, the shocking and have called "Moonlight to do." They have a line on the glass after line 5, and put aside the fourth line of the second stanza, which ends perfectly with "waves of death is imminent. "The Line" The sea breaks on the sand "is a bit too literally. Does the star of the sea in the sand, but it is difficult to say rhymically in a poem. The next line" In the quiet night of Deception "is too in short, should be something on the ocean waves or somthing belong. The next line "A sword plunged into the treacherous land" is to be reconsidered too much of a mouthful. The line "In the silenceNight of Illusion, "makes no sense, because if something breaks down going into the ocean at night only appears calm, but really wild. I want to change the tranquility of nature or something. He 'is not necessary, the term" at the end. "Just say no. that we should not from the air, let's end the situation. needed. very nice. Overall, a great poem, you need a little work done on the rhythm of words. well!
Good title. The words "Shining Silver Silence" It's hard to say, together, you may rethink the front. Very good rhyme scheme.The first line of the second stanza has too many words and syllables, read "Reflections of a pane of glass. You should not write is complete, the reader is almost always think of a half-moon or full moon, the shocking and have called "Moonlight to do." They have a line on the glass after line 5, and put aside the fourth line of the second stanza, which ends perfectly with "waves of death is imminent. "The Line" The sea breaks on the sand "is a bit too literally. Does the star of the sea in the sand, but it is difficult to say rhymically in a poem. The next line" In the quiet night of Deception "is too in short, should be something on the ocean waves or somthing belong. The next line "A sword plunged into the treacherous land" is to be reconsidered too much of a mouthful. The line "In the silenceNight of Illusion, "makes no sense, because if something breaks down going into the ocean at night only appears calm, but really wild. I want to change the tranquility of nature or something. He 'is not necessary, the term" at the end. "Just say no. that we should not from the air, let's end the situation. needed. very nice. Overall, a great poem, you need a little work done on the rhythm of words. well!
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